What I Mean When I Say I’m a “Relational Therapist”

When I describe myself as a relational therapist, I'm talking about the heart of my approach to therapy: fostering a relationship that feels safe, supportive, and healing. Many of my clients come to therapy with experiences of emotional pain, often rooted in past relationships that lacked safety, understanding, or healthy boundaries. My goal is to offer something different—to be a figure in their life who helps them heal from the wounds inflicted by others.

We Are Hurt in Relationships, and We Can Heal in Relationships

The truth is, much of our emotional pain comes from relationships. Whether it’s a parent who couldn’t provide the love we needed, a friend who betrayed us, or a partner who was emotionally unavailable, these experiences leave marks. But just as relationships can hurt, they can also heal. In relational therapy, I aim to create a relationship that is not only safe but also restorative, helping my clients learn that they can experience healthy, supportive, and caring connections.

I Will Show I Care and Reflect Your Emotions

One of the key ways I do this is by being emotionally present with my clients. I don’t just listen to their words; I tune into their feelings. When I reflect their emotions back to them, it's my way of saying, "I see you, and I hear you." It’s about acknowledging their experience and letting them know that their emotions are valid. This kind of attunement helps build trust and shows that I’m genuinely invested in their well-being.

A Collaborative Relationship Between Equals

In our therapeutic relationship, I see us as equals. I respect your autonomy and your ability to make choices about your life. My role is not to dictate what you should do but to walk alongside you as you explore your thoughts, feelings, and options. I believe that therapy should be a collaborative process where your voice is heard and valued, and where you feel empowered to direct your own healing journey.

Encouraging Honest Feedback and Vulnerability

I encourage my clients to share honest feedback with me—about how they feel in our sessions, how they perceive my actions, and how our relationship is impacting them. This isn’t just for my benefit; it’s also a crucial part of your growth. By practicing vulnerability and advocating for yourself in our sessions, you build the confidence and skills to do the same in other relationships. It’s a way of reclaiming your voice and asserting your needs in a safe environment.

A Consistent, Accepting Presence

One of the most important things I offer is consistency. In a world where relationships can be unpredictable or unreliable, I strive to be a steady, accepting presence in your life. I want you to know, without a doubt, that you are inherently valuable and worthy of care and belonging. My hope is that, through our relationship, you come to believe this more deeply about yourself.

Curiosity About Your Experience

In our work together, I approach you with curiosity, not judgment. I know that you are the expert on your own life, not me. My role is to ask questions, to explore your experiences with you, and to help you trust your own perspective and gut feelings. This is your journey, and I’m here to support you in whatever way you need.

Accountability and Owning Mistakes

Therapists are human, too, and sometimes I may make mistakes. If I cause harm, miscommunicate something, or if there's a rupture in our relationship, I will hold myself accountable. I believe that owning my mistakes and working through them with you is essential. It sets a standard for how you should expect others to treat you—with honesty, accountability, and respect.

I’m Not a “Blank Slate” Therapist

Finally, it’s important for you to know that I’m not a “blank slate” therapist. You will see my emotions, and I will be emotionally attuned to you. I believe this is crucial for healing, especially if you’ve had relationships where your emotions were ignored or dismissed. Plus, being expressionless just isn’t who I am. I bring my full self into our sessions, and I believe that’s how we build a genuine, trusting relationship.

To Sum It Up . . .

Relational therapy is about more than just talking; it’s about creating a healing connection. My commitment to you is to be a caring, consistent, and attuned presence in your life, where you feel safe to explore, grow, and heal. Together, we can rewrite the story of what relationships can be—moving from a place of pain to one of safety, understanding, and mutual respect.