As we step into a new year, many of us are drawn to the idea of making resolutions—a fresh start, a clean slate. Ready to kick ass and take names come January 1st! And while setting goals can be a positive and motivating practice, it's also crucial to approach resolutions with a healthy dose of realism and self-compassion. As a therapist, I've witnessed the pitfalls that come with setting unrealistic expectations and goals, and I'm here to offer guidance on how to enter the new year in a way that promotes personal growth but doesn’t set you up for failure.

The Pitfalls of Unrealistic Resolutions:

One common theme I see in my practice is the tendency for people to set lofty, vague, and often unattainable goals. Whether it's a drastic change in lifestyle, a rigorous fitness routine, or a complete overhaul of their daily habits, the excitement of a new year can sometimes cloud our judgment and lose touch with wha't’s realistic. Unrealistic resolutions not only set us up for disappointment but can also lead to an increase in shame, anxiety, and depression. We can feel like failures when we aren’t able to live up to such lofty goals.

I Recommend Realistic Goal Setting:

Instead of aiming for radical transformations, consider setting realistic, achievable goals that align with your values and priorities. Have you heard of SMART goals? A SMART goal stands for goals that are specific (and sustainable), measurable, attainable, realistic, and time-bound. Break down your larger objectives into smaller, more manageable steps. This not only makes the process less overwhelming but makes you so much more likely to succeed! And be sure to celebrate those small victories along the way—they matter, and they keep you going.

Prepare to Adapt:

Remember that life is unpredictable; unexpected challenges are bound to arise. We need to acknowledge that setbacks are a natural part of any journey. When one inevitably arises, try to see it as something to problem solve and allow for further learning and growth rather than as a sign to throw in the towel. Adopting a more flexible mindset allows you to adapt to changing circumstances without feeling defeated, and it will get you much further in achieving your goals.

Prioritize Self-Compassion:

You know I’m gonna say it - Be kind to yourself! Self-compassion is such an important part of being human, and it is one of the cardinal tenets I teach my clients. The more self-compassionate we are, the better we are able to navigate setbacks with grace. Remember that you are human, and perfection is an unrealistic standard. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding that you would offer to a friend facing similar challenges.

Build a Support System:

Share your resolutions with friends or family who can offer encouragement and support. Having a reliable support system can make a significant difference in staying motivated and accountable. Don't hesitate to seek professional help if needed; therapists are here to provide guidance and help you navigate the complexities of change.

Mindful Reflection and Adjustment:

Just like being flexible, it helps to regularly reassess your goals and reflect on your progress. Adjustments may be necessary as you gain a deeper understanding of your strengths and limitations. Meeting yourself where you’re at will help you stay on target and to avoid burnout.

Happy New Year

As we embark on another new year, let's approach our resolutions with a balanced perspective. Realistic goals, coupled with self-compassion and adaptability, create a recipe for meaningful and sustainable change. Remember, the journey is just as important as the destination, and by embracing the process, you set the stage for a fulfilling and transformative year ahead!