“Is My Relationship with Alcohol Okay? Is My Drinking Unhealthy? Am I an Alcoholic?”

Are you wondering if your relationship with alcohol is healthy? Have others expressed concerns? Or maybe you’re harboring your own concerns, even though you don’t really want to look at it too closely… 

Trust me - you aren’t alone. America has quite the love affair with alcohol. Most social events feel like they center around alcohol and food. We joke about needing drinks after work to wind down. There are endless gimmicky, cutesy products geared toward women and wine. And treatment centers for substance use concerns continue to grow and expand because of high demand. 

So maybe you find yourself wondering what does a “normal” relationship with alcohol look like and when does it tip over into unhealthy, problematic use?

Let’s look at some common experiences that show up when alcohol use becomes problematic.

What are some signs of alcohol abuse? 

Here are some hints that you need to pause and examine your relationship with alcohol . . .

You Use Alcohol in an Attempt to Control Your Feelings

If you’ve had a bad day, you may drink to try to stop feeling the crummy feelings. Some people describe this as “numbing out.” Maybe it makes you feel temporarily better, but then the next day you feel even worse emotionally. You also may drink to feel good and to try to keep up a positive feeling. Realistically, the positive feelings we get from alcohol usually peak pretty quickly and can’t be sustained. (aka it doesn’t work)

You Drink More Than You Intend To

You notice that there are multiple times you end up drinking more than you planned or for a longer period of time than you intended. Maybe once you’ve had one or two drinks, you lose sight of what you intended and all bets are off. It’s hard to control how much you drink once you start. 

Alcohol Consumes Your Time

Not only are you maybe spending more time drinking than you’d like, but even thinking about alcohol consumes your time. Your mind is preoccupied with drinking. You find yourself wondering if you have enough, when and how you’ll get more, and when you’re able to finally take that first drink. Then after you’ve been drinking you have to also spend time recuperating, maybe sleeping it off, or maybe dealing with the consequences of what happened when you were inebriated. This pattern can quickly become an exhausting loop.

Speaking of… 

Your Tolerance Has Increased 

Tolerance means that more and more alcohol is needed for you to feel the effects that you used to get with a smaller amount. When you first started drinking, it probably didn’t take much to feel tipsy or get drunk. Over time, it takes more and more alcohol to get near the desired effect. 

You’re Keeping Secrets

You find yourself lying about how much you’ve had to drink. You also have taken to keeping a private stash of alcohol so you won’t go without. Maybe you keep some at work, some in the car, and some at home. If you live with others, you may have to hide your bottles from them. You also may start to make up excuses about why you can’t do things to hide your drinking or because it would prevent you from drinking. You may also drink alone more so that others don’t see it and comment on it. You start to lose the things that used to be important to you in order to keep up the drinking.

You Continue to Drink Despite Problems It’s Causing

Your drinking has led to trouble in your relationships, your work, your health, your finances, and possibly even your legal freedom. Despite the negative consequences, you can’t seem to quit and “give it up.” Historically, you have downplayed these issues or even denied that alcohol played a role.

Life Feels Impossible without Alcohol

You feel unable to cope with life’s ups and downs without alcohol. You can’t imagine a life where you don’t drink. You’ve tried quitting but you continue to crave alcohol and end up picking it back up. It’s the devil you know.

How many of those signs did you check? 

Realistically, people show different signs and symptoms of alcohol abuse and addiction. The ones listed in this article are some common ones I tend to see in my clients. But if any of the above resonate and you have already felt concerned about your use, you would likely benefit from talking to someone about your relationship to alcohol. 

I’m ready to examine my drinking more closely.

What should I do next?

You can reach out to a therapist or counselor who specializes in alcohol or substance use disorders. If your alcohol use has become very regular and you experience withdrawal symptoms between periods of drinking, then you will need medical help to safely detox. 

Having a complicated relationship with alcohol doesn’t automatically mean you need to go to a residential rehab program. People work on their relationship with alcohol in a variety of settings - outpatient with individual and group therapy, in peer support groups like AA, SMART Recovery, and Recovery Dharma, intensive outpatient programs, and residential programs. 

It may be helpful to bring up your concern with your doctor or therapist, as they can help guide you to an appropriate treatment program based on your needs. 

If you are already starting your recovery journey, you could benefit from my therapy group specifically for women who want to stay sober from alcohol and other substances. 

The group focuses on building connections with other women going through the same struggles as you, providing more accountability week to week, and building helpful skills for preventing relapse and learning how to live sober. 

If you’d like to learn more about this women’s group, you can visit the group page, or go ahead and reach out to talk more.

Remember, recovery is possible, even for those people who may deem themselves “hopeless.” Start by getting honest with yourself and others about what you’re struggling with. From there, you can make the daily choice to not drink, to develop a realistic plan, to seek out and accept help, and to take recovery one day at a time.